Friday, November 21, 2014

Some people need an exorcism, some people don't

I was watching a Turner Classic Movie yesterday, Possessed.  It stars Joan Crawford as the women that sees things and does things because of the hallucinations.  What a brave career move for her.  That took guts.  It's such a sensitive subject, schizophrenia.  The whys and the how could it be trues pile on each other for the caregiver of the person suffering the brain disorder.  Back in 1947 when that movie was made, the data and information available to the public was very limited.  The movie opens with a woman, Joan Crawford, wondering the streets and is brought into the dreaded mental institution.  Drs slowly begin to piece her life together, or they think they have when she begins to recant her life and dramatic tales.  

I imagine in those days it was a lot easier to believe that someone was "possessed" and needed an exorcism.  Jennifer's disorder has her seeing blue people talk to her from the television that is not turned on and satan talks to her and tells her to do terrible things to herself.  She is also a time lord like Dr Who and has needed to find the port in which to travel through time and cross dimensions.  I've found her diaries and they go into detail about her lives in different centuries.  

In her days before the PACT team, she thought she needed an exorcism.  She was desperate to see a Catholic priest.  One Sunday morning, we went to an old Catholic church trying to see a priest that was recommended to me by my therapist.  Believe me if you are dealing with this illness with no help, therapy is a must.  Luckily my doctor had some extensive dealing with people that had schizophrenia and thought it wasn't a bad thing for Jennifer to talk to a priest, so off we went on a Sunday to Mass.  We are not Catholic.

We get there to the old sanctuary and Jennifer begins to desperately ask around for the confessional.  I'm sitting in the back watching the sadness for me unfold.  She is told it's at the front on both sides of the alter.  Of course the hole congregation is watching her long blonde hair fly up to the front and barge in on someone already in the room.  I can see from this distance,her embarrassment, she goes to the back of the line and waits.  

She goes in to see the priest.  It seems she is in there a long time and out she comes.  I think, ok it's over we can go home now.  But, she wants to stay to the end of the service.  On the way out the door there is a young priest that appears to be waiting for her.  As we fall into the procession leaving the sanctuary, this priest pulls Jennifer aside, closes his eyes and gently grabs her head and begins to speak latin.  Jennifer is very startled and jumps back a little but he hangs on.  I'm sure it was some sort of prayer and I'm crying and saying thank you, even though I know it's not her real problem, a little prayer never hurt anybody.  Jennifer is very intelligent.  She speaks fluent Spanish and is pretty good at speaking french too.  She knows enough about what he just said to tell me that he was rebuking the devil that was in her.  I guess it was a sort of attempt at an exorcism right there in the hall of the church. 

They gave Jennifer a number to call.  It is a priest who specializes in exorcism.  She calls him and talks to him a couple of times.  He never calls her back.  I'm sure at some point Priests know the difference between severe mental illness and being possessed.  

Friday, November 14, 2014

I'm back to posting in my original blog…smile

Well, I tried Facebook to keep my story going but it didn't work.  Tumblr as well wasn't the ticket for pouring it all out.  Both these mediums are best as bullets or lengthy bullets.  Quilting, Jennifer and now my mother in laws stories are best told in full paragraphs and beginnings and endings. So, I'm back and need to purge.

Quilting is the greatest hobby for dealing with mental illness.  It teaches patience and understanding and planning.  All around the mental illness watch tower I dance with a needle and thread and beautiful fabrics.  Nothing gives me more pleasure than to teach the craft to newbies.  I've been doing that with family and family friends.  As is often my outcome, I've created a monster.  The people I teach love it so much they can't wait to finish their project.  I don't know if they want to do another one, but, I'm happy to keep it going.

Lately the saga of my beautiful, intelligent daughter, Jennifer has come to something of a quasi close.  In Oklahoma where she lived with her grandparents first, within the Cherokee nation boundaries so that she could receive help from her tribe first and now the state of Oklahoma has made her a ward of the state.  She couldn't be trusted to take her medication so she has a court order to take an antipsychotic injection once a month.  You would think she would only have to look at the scars on her neck and body to be reminded what it is like when she doesn't take her medication.  I am her guardian when it comes to being able to be talk to doctors only.   

It is the most common complaint of paranoid schizophrenics, the side effects are awful and they think they are just fine.  And slowly begins to stop taking her meds and we begin the decent.  Her first symptom is she sees codes and secret messages everywhere.  Things that would mean absolutely nothing to a normal person are rife with dual meanings to the mentally ill.  The last time she was admitted into the mental institution, she was  meeting random men for sex so she could be admitted into the port to another dimension in space and time.  She was living with me in Owasso at a home we bought within the Cherokee Nation.  One of these "portal meetings" she was convinced someone gave her AIDS and we had to take an emergency trip to Dallas where an experimental new drug was being given to keep her from getting full blown AIDS.  She met a chef at the hotel we spent the night at and wanted know if he had the keys to the port.  I don't know exactly what happened but the manager of the hotel where we spent the night asked me if she was okay.  If she only knew.

This blog post is getting pretty long.  I'll work on it tomorrow.

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

BJ Designs at the Tulsa Quilt Show!!!

     I have been making this horse quilt pattern, "Race the Wind", for several years now.  I get a charge out of making it every time.  It's so much fun to put a new spin on the pattern.  This is one I made for my oh so awesome nephew, Kole.  He got married last weekend and he has always liked the quilt that is not really similar, but sort of, that is hung over my fireplace
     Like all patterns, I make them my own.  When I teach classes I tell my students that patterns are only guidelines to bend at your will.  Sometimes they take this instruction a little too far, but, you know, it's kind of good they embrace the

Thank you BJ for giving me years of pleasure with your wonderful pattern designs!!

Friday, March 28, 2014

It's taken me a lifetime of quilting to finally own a home where I can display on walls, some of my quilts!

Quilting is such a satisfying hobby.  When you are in the zone, you could be fly fishing out side and feel the rhythms of 10 o'clock, 2 o'clock, hello, it's for  If you fly fish, you'll understand.  I usually don't catch any fish, but, it's all about the process.  Just like

Quilt shows and quilt guilds are wonderful places for "inspiration and stimulation" as one of my experienced quilter friends once told me.  Yep, all good there.  But, when you are home, it's also nice to be surrounded with your work, and if you are lucky, around every corner, you can glimpse it.  So, here is my new house and how I've chosen to display my work.  

 This is my office.  I bought the lipstick colored chair to go with the cat quilt!  That quilt won first prize at the Kentucky State Fair and also was entered in one of the best shows in the country, Paducah.  It didn't win, but, it was an honor to be admitted.  Of course, you have to have a quilt to cozy up with in the morning while you read your favorite book and drink your hot tea and lemon water.  The small cathedral window pillow on my wooden chair is not my work.  But, it's a favorite of mine, my husband, not so much.  

My living room has a quilt over the coffee table.  Quilts are great for quick fixes.  The room seemed a little dark, so I threw this wall hanging over the table.  I think I'll keep it!

 The mantle has one of the horse quilts I've made.  I think it's the perfect size for a mantle.  I've had so many offers to buy my horse quilts, that I'm seriously considering selling them.   

This funky looking quilt is one I made after an intense time I had with crazy quilting.  One year I made 27 Christmas stockings for our family.  This quilt is a modern adaption of the traditional crazy quilt block.  The sewing in it has lots of "Y" seams.  Another one of my challenges in my quilting experience.  It's in my hallway.  
I've made so many quilts that they are stacking up all over my house.  This is a full quilt rack in my living room.  It's so nice to be able to rotate my quilts!  My mother painted the oil painting above it.  You can see why I snagged it!

 The breakfast area has one of my favorite quilts.  It's called Country At Heart.  You can see another common trait of quilters on display also.  I like puzzles.  I think a lot of quilters do.  Deep down we are all frustrated engineers, who missed our calling.  Because we like planning and putting things together.  

From the living areas on to the bedrooms, the traditional place to see quilts.   Of course, the sun is not our friend when it comes to quilts.  That's why this quilt is hung in the hallway out of the sun.  Each one of these stars is 64 pieces and the border is pieced in a crazy quilt style.  I was into really challenging my self in the day.  This pattern is from a book by Judy Mathieson.  She is one of the all time greats with stars as far as I'm concerned.

 This is Jennifer's room with a rag quilt and a Japanese fabric quilt.  
This pear quilt was a gift to me from the greatest quilt group in the world, Northeast Quilting Friends.  Every group has a personality.  I highly encourage you to find that tribal thing that women need!

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

My, my, my, my world is turned upside a good

We are now moved into a house in Owasso, Oklahoma.  Jeni and I are here waiting for Bob to retire.  It's pretty hard.  I miss him a lot.  But, this is our situation and we are making the best of it.  We are near both sides of our family and Jennifer has a lot of support here in a variety of ways.  

I'm really excited about our new quilting/crafting opportunity that is about to begin in our family.  On the first Sunday of the month, we will be trying to have a craft day with the family members at my house.  There are seasoned quilters, my mom, my sister and myself and there are wanna be quilters, niece Kyleigh, sister in law Gayle, future niece Chelsea, Jeni and hopefully my niece Rian and cousin Laura.  These are the charter members, you might say and probably along the way, some will leave and new family members will come.  

I've led a quilt group in Louisville, Ky for the last 13 years.  I had to give it a up a year ago when members of my family needed me here in Oklahoma.  I am hopeful that our family craft group will share in the success of the quilt group.  We will have quilt/craft time, go on road trips, share prayer and great recipes.  These are all the things that made our group in Ky so successful.  Ha!  you say, this is a family where the dynamics are different.  But, in case you didn't know it, quilt groups can have a lot of similarities to families.  We laugh a lot and cry some and just in general do what women do.  It's nice to have something to look forward to once a month...I hope!  Yikes and begora this is like doing a triathlon when I think about it.  A lot can go wrong.  Maybe there will be fist fight like my sweet husband saw in NYC when he was waiting on me to finish the 56 mile NYC triathlon, which was my crowning event in 2012.  You can see it in this blog if you like.  

We are starting the first time Sunday, April 6th from 1:00 to 4:00.  Have lunch, catch up on family issues and then try to have some fun while we create.  I've always been a big advocate on art as therapy.  Women need that tribal thing where we feel like we can relax and belong.  My biggest thing is there is no judging this day.  You can be sloppy, and mess up and that's okay.  We learn from our mistakes or what is life about?  Only Jesus walks on water is one of my favorite quotes.  My favorite type of sewing is frog sewing, you know, rip it, rip it, rip it.  I've got some first class seam rippers that are works of art for just that occasion. 

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Bucket List Items

We have been sidetracked from our fun for sometime now.  But, that's got to stop!  Now we want to start working on the bucket list again.

I want to go to Yellowstone and ride snow mobiles.  We went for 2 weeks when the girls were little during the summer.  It was spectacular.  The animals and the crowds were large.  So, I'm thinking maybe the winter it will be less?

I wan to go to Cancun and scuba dive to see the underwater museum.

These are 2 I'm really interested at the moment.  Maybe we can get them done within the next 2 years?  

Wednesday, July 31, 2013 figure

Yes, I'm back.  It's been so long since I've wrote anything here.  I've been dealing with some family stuff and it's starting to be something good...I hope...I think...I'm afraid to say...

Like Cher and Nicholas Cage on the movie, Moonlight, it is now time to snap out of it.  Juggling so many balls is going to have to be a way of life and I've got to deal with it.  It doesn't do me any good to try to eat my feelings.  I've put on 33 pounds since my last family crisis.  That doesn't do anyone any good, least of all me.  So it's time to be true to myself and get back to the things I love.  I'm beginning to use the My Fitness Pal app to track my food and exercise.  I'll be getting back to volunteering for my 2 favorite causes, WFPK and the public radio partnership and my church.  Hmmmm you say?  Well, I'm of the thought that what's wrong with a little conversation?  Can't we agree to disagree?  I don't agree with everything my church is about and I don't agree with everything my favorite radio station is about.  When I don't like something, I can turn it off, or look ahead to the sermon series and decide if that's something I want to hear or not.     

Besides volunteering, my husband, Bob and I are SLOWLY trying to downsize.  We've done the upstairs of the house and now we are almost done with the first floor of our house.  We have painted every room and packed up all the house, except for our kitchen and master bedroom.  We just don't need this big of a house and this big of a yard, 1 1/4 acre.  I'm not a great house cleaner, but, we still have to mow and that kills half a day or more on the weekend.  

My training for triathlons is going to have to take a back seat.  As much as I love, love, love, swimming, biking and running, it's got to wait.  I still see women older than me out there, so I can hold.  

Well, there you have it.  I'll be uploading the progress of all these things.  The family business is still fluid and working itself out.  Children are the joy and loves our lives and so you do what you have to do.  


Related Posts with Thumbnails